LOL at People Who Think Their State Is as Good at Wrestling as ILLINOIS!

As an unbiased journalist and a scientist—a Political Scientist no less—I can prove that ILLINOIS is, was, has been and will always be the greatest wrestling state in the union. You can take the other top five wrestling states combined, and they don't equal the Land of Lincoln. Word. 

Let's start on July 21, 1951 when Robin Williams was born in Chicago, ILLINOIS. He would go on to wrestle in high school and without him, of course, there is no Mrs. Doubtfire, No "Goooood Morning, Vietnam!," no Dead Poets Society, Good Will Hunting, or Mork and Mindy. All of that and more brought to you by a wrestler born in ILLINOIS. Shazbot, Mother*******!

If Robin Williams wasn't the funniest wrestler who ever lived, then that honor falls to Wheaton Central High School Wrestler John Belushi. Without this fellow, SNL is cancelled season one, you think Dan Akroyd could carry the show by himself? We get no Animal House. Or the freaking Blues Brothers. On the other hand, thousands of Deep Dish Pizzas and Polish would've survived at least one more day. America thanks you, ILLINOIS Wrestling! 

In 1985, the Rosemont Horizon in Chicago saw William "The Refrigerator" Perry and Jimbo Colvert of the Chicago Bears save professional wrestling in Wrestlemania 2. One of the referees for that match was none other than University of ILLINOIS and Chicago Bear legend Dick Butkus. Think about it like this, folks, without Wrestlemania 2 there would never have been a Wrestlemania 3 or a Wrestlemania 4. Dick Butkus may have saved the sport! Thank you, ILLINOIS, sir!

In 2001, rap could've died on the vine but along came Ludacris (Chris Bridges) the former Oak Park River Forest wrestler with his platinum smash Word of Mouf. Without this former ILLINOIS high school wrestler, rap may never have bridged the gap from Jay Z to Eminem. ILLINOIS says, sarcastically, to all you ungrateful ********* ******* ******* *************, "You're Welcome!" 

Our 16th President, Abraham Lincoln was a senior at Carl Sandburg High School with a record of 36-2. He dreamed of a wrestling scholarship from the University of Illinois, but he was only #98 on Willie's Senior Big Board. So, the lanky rail-splitter hopped a wagon train to the Northwest Territory to wrestle in the 9 stone 7 pound weight class at Fargo.

Old Timers say he wrestled like a furious shaved bear. 

The young railsplitter teched his way to the finals, setting up a match with the Virginia champion, Robert E. Lee. Well, my friends, that match was a sight! Over 40,000 fans, dressed in their Sunday best, watched while munching on boiled squirrel and pumpkin sandwiches. 

In the first period, Lincoln emancipated and proclamated for the full three hours, building up a sixty-point lead. During intermission, though, his corner had to reattach a finger, which had been chewed off by the Virginian.

Forty minutes into the second period, his reserves exhausted, Lee surrendered. 

HENCEFORTH and THEREAFTER a table was set up in the center of the mat, and Lee formally signed "The Articles of Agreement Relating to the Surrender of the Wrestler Robert E. Lee." You can see this document displayed on the second floor of the National Archives building in Washington, D.C.

Seriously, President Abraham Lincoln is in the National Wrestling Hall of Fame. He is said to have had a 299-1 wrestling record. He was also 1-0 against the South, and without him, y'all'd be barefoot and eating grits and collard greens. 

Unless your state has its own Great Emancipator or Blues Brother or Rap Star get the **** outta my face.

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UPDATE:  An ILLINI fan at intermatforums.com educated me on another ILLINOIS icon who wrestled in high school. This is from the National Wrestling Hall of Fame: 

"Did you know that Rachal Brosnahan, the leading lady in Amazon.com's The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel was a high school wrestler? 

[Brosnahan said:] 'The thing about wrestling is it doesn't really matter what gender you are. You're wrestling against someone who's the same weight as you. They might be stronger physically. You might be quicker.... It's like improv. I wish I could've kept going with it because I absolutely loved it.'" 

 

But she's only the second most famous ILLINOIS high school wrestler to have wrestled at Highland Park High School. Coach Mike Poeta is number one.