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In news of International Incidents, it appears that some anonymous person, possibly me, is live-blogging the Yariguin wrestling tournament in Russia with cryptic cries for food, vodka, medicine for his donkey and the deposition of Russian President Vladimir Putin. We have a live shot of the chat here:
The comment translates as follows: "I am hungry and my donkey is sick. I would like some potatoes and vodka. Will you fight with me against Putin?" Thus far, the Russians have not taken any counter-measures.
This is a link to one of the three youtube channels carrying the tournament. It would be a shame if more people joined in. A crying shame.
We will bring you more as the story develops....
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BREAKING NEWS: The Iowa Hawkeye wrestling team is temporarily shut down due to Coronavirus infection. The team cannot practice together until permitted by the Big Ten Covid Protocol and university medical. In the interim, they are using the Zoom Meeting ap to get together for practice.
This has not worked out perfectly, as your intrepid reporter was patched into today's practice, which started with Coach Brands shouting at the player named Austin DeSanto to "untie that woman," and telling another player, Jacob Warner, to "practice more and leave off the Dairy Queen." Finally, the other Coach Brands (we can't tell them apart) told a third player, Tony Cassioppi, that it was "wrestling practice, not Pasta Night," and then scolded Spencer Lee, last year's Most Valuable Player winner, to "turn off your DAMN CAT FILTER!"
Practice is likely to run better tomorrow, the coaches said, once Jaydin can take the bandages off his new tattoo. This has been your Meanwhile Accu-Sports team reporting from Cornville-Hawkeye Arena. Mask up. Stay safe. Get well, and back to you in the studio, Ron.
Your Meanwhile Investigative Team looked into the poor production values of the "real time" scoring options offered by Flo Wrestling and Trackwrestling. The recent OTT showed that it could be done in a not-quite-insane way, but the NCAA and Big Ten championships were such a quackmuggery of ineptitude, that we invited timekeepers and scorekeepers from both organizations for an interview.
What we learned was shocking.
Eighty percent of the people working for Flo and Track as scorekeepers are colorblind. Furthermore, when asked to tell the difference between red and green, more than half of them did not know what was meant by the words "red" and "green." A few of the others admitted to prejudice against either the color red or the color green. They admitted to pressing buttons at random.
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Your Meanwhile Action Sports Team reached out to new Iowa State Cyclone recruit, Yonger Bastida, who came to the school from Cuba. We wanted to congratulate him on his scholarship, even if it meant living in Iowa. Bastida said, "This is the most exciting thing to happen to me since I won the Junior Pan Am Gold in freestyle while my grandchildren cheered for me in the stands." Way to go, Yonger!
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